Love Yourself First

People come and go in our lives for more reasons than we can ever comprehend. Some we will love for eternity while others are gone without so much as a second thought.This is about hope. Learning to love yourself first and believing your heart will sing again. And ultimately, love again.

The decision to let someone go or walk away from them will always be a heartbreaking one. I chose to end my 11.5 year marriage as it was no longer healthy and would never be healthy again. It had died a few years before and had been kept on life support out of sheer will that it would recover and become what it had once be. I refused to listen to the true voice that said it never would be. Never could be.

Over two years ago I finally listened to that voice and tried to end it. It did not go well. To say the least. I stayed on the promise I’d been made that it would be good again. After a few months things returned to where they had been when I’d wanted the divorce. I raised the subject of positive change again and it was ignored. It happened a few times. Repeatedly ignored. To see something you had worked so hard to build and try to maintain just be cast aside was gut-wrenching. It’s a selfish act. A declaration from the other person that if you want to be with me it will be how I want it. It has nothing to do with you. Your heart gets ripped out and destroyed.

I don’t do ultimatums. Present your views/case to the other person and if they won’t meet you in the middle or halfway point, you have a decision to make. Can you accept this is all it will be and stay or refuse to live a lonely existence and leave? Sometimes those answers just don’t come overnight. They can take weeks or months. It took a few months for me to make my decision but once I did there was no recovering from it. It was time to pull the plug.

No one had really seen what was about to happen, arriving. I was very quiet and private about that part of my life. I suppose the signs had been there for a very few close friends and family members but the number amounted to less than half a dozen. Sadness. A little regret. Some shock. Loads of questions. Some I’d answer but many I wouldn’t because what had happened was between myself and my soon-to-be-estranged husband. Some things should be kept private. Everyone else wasn’t involved in the marriage so why would you drag them into the death of it? I was raised to treat everyone with kindness, courtesy, respect and dignity. And when the wreck of the marriage is left open and bleeding on the side of a road like a tragic car crash, sometimes providing dignity is all you have left.

My ex didn’t treat it the same way. Still doesn’t from all accounts I’ve heard. Not surprisingly, someone else I removed from my life due to their toxicity, decided to reach out to the ex. They could be seeing each other for all I know and care. I don’t do desperate, clinging, needy, weak. For those that do know me, I’m about positivity, strength, good character, loving those around us.

So I will offer this up: if you are at that crux of a relationship, sometimes you need to love yourself first. If you aren’t willing to take care of your own heart, how can you expect someone else to join you in that? You can’t. It’s that plain and simple. So why would you drag yourself and the other person down a road of torment, heartbreak, loneliness just to hold on to something maybe you really need to let go of? We’re far too sentimental about affairs of the heart and far less objective and mindful of the damage we do to ourselves and that other person or persons involved. Find the courage. Build your resolve. Make a decision. Make a move.

Is it scary? Oh hell yes. Will it hurt? Most definitely. But you will survive. You will put one foot in front of the other and move forward in a positive, healthy direction in your life. You should and need to believe that. It’s true. I did it and I know one day I will love (hopefully fall IN love) again. I know this because my heart is ready and tells me so.

Peace & Love