Things You Shouldn’t Teach Your Dog

One can only imagine what is going to be laid out when you have a title like this. It’s not anything like teaching your kids naughty words or things to say you know will piss your spouse off. Nope. More mundane. Things like “car ride” “treat/snack”, “walk”, “bubbles”. Oh yes. There’s a very funny story about the word “bubbles” and my 8 year old Pom, Bear. I’ll get to that.

For the record, both of them are rescues. The breeder was going to put him down because he’s oversized. There was no way I was going to let that happen. According to the standard, he should be about five to seven pounds and about 10 to 12 inches tall. He’s closer to 15 pounds (not fat) and 16 to 18 inches tall. Big boy. My princess boy. When his hair is long (prefer to get it cut short), he prances. He’s very aware of his appearances. Checks the mirror every time we go out the door. When his hair is short, he looks like a stuffy. People can’t believe he’s real. The charm level with this one is always cranked up to 20.

Dizzy came from the Calgary Humane Society about eight and a half months after we’d gotten Bear. She is a deceptively intelligent girl. When her coat grows in, it’s ivory-coloured curly locks are so pretty. But is prone to matting, so it’s kept short. She had been abused and neglected by previous owners and it took a ton of work to get her to trust and like people but was so worth it. I would adopt rescues again in a heartbeat. If you are considering getting a pet, please check your local rescue organisations or humane society. They all deserve to be loved. Just as we do.

I’m big on teaching kids and animals as much as possible. Even how to ask for a treat if they’re “hungry”. Through creative use of peanuts, I taught Bear and Dizzy (my 13 year old girl, a cockapoo) to signal to me when they want something to eat. Conditioning. It often times has negative connotations but for the most part I try to keep it positive. It becomes empowering. No surprise, I’m big on that too. Over the course of a week or two, I got them used to the idea of when they want something to eat, they would signal to me by licking their nose. Now this is something dogs do naturally and often so how is someone to know it’s different from them just plain old licking their nose?

Well, for starters, they’re usually planted right in front of you, staring intently, not getting distracted by anything else. Just staring. Uh huh. Then when you look at them, the nose lick. I’m hungry. Feed me. Give me a snack. This happens most often right before their dinner-time or evening snack time. Caution is needed when teaching your dog to communicate like this. It can become dangerous territory. They can’t talk and sometimes I think that’s for the best. Now you’ve taught them to ask for a treat/snack. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Now you have a choice to make. Do you give in and get them what they want or tell them to “wait”. They’ll get it “soon”. Two more words they have clear grasp of. When they hear the word “soon” you can just see the head drop, big exhale and the dog version of the word “fine” run though their heads. “Fine. I’ll wait. I’m not happy about it, but I’ll wait.” Distain. Then you get them their dinner or evening snack and all is right in their world again.

They have a pretty big vocabulary. Dizzy is better at more of the words than Bear is. Maybe it’s a girl thing. I don’t know. Surprisingly, they know a large number of words. Again, sometimes it seems like a good idea at the time to teach them this stuff and you wind up coming back to question your decision(s) at a later date. They have clear understanding of the following words: up/upstairs, downstairs, off (get off that person), down (lay down), sit, wait, soon, treat, snack, dinner, breakfast, left, right, cross (to cross the street), okay, walk, bath (not so popular), play, ball, toy, who’s here, people’s names, no noise (useful to keep them from barking), shhhhh (again to keep them quiet), out/outside, rain (very unpopular with Bear), snow, puddles, garbage (useful when out for a walk and depositing poop bags into said disposal receptacle), car ride, hang on (useful for car rides when we have to stop suddenly or turn a corner so they can brace themselves) and bubbles among others. Ah yes, bubbles. I have no idea where the fascination for bubbles came from for Bear, but he is totally cuckoo-for-cocoa-puffs kind of crazy about them. You simply do not utter the word and not pull them out. And it's completely worth it just for the entertainment value.

Found some pet-friendly version of the bubbles and wand in a nearby pet super-store and thought how
can this be a bad thing? I bought two containers. They’re just small but still. Enough to last a couple years. The first time I pulled them out and reinforced with “bubbles” he got it. This stuff is his cat-nip. On a whole other level though. He loses his freaking mind. Climbing on furniture. Doing gymnastics I didn’t think possible from a dog. He has to find and eat every last bubble that gets blown into the air. If it’s in a weird place, you have to lift him up to get it. He can go at this activity for an hour. He becomes this psychotic, bubble-craving critter that won’t quit until he’s covered in the somewhat sticky things, found every last one like it’s his life’s mission and panting hard with the biggest doggy smile on his face. If I were breathing that hard, I’d be on the verge of passing out.

It’s a brilliant way to entertain a dog who has an abundance of energy and a very bright mind. He can be a real idiot some times though. If we’re out for a walk and it’s a nice day, Diz & I are leading the walk and he just gets to accompany us and gawk. Doesn’t pay attention to where he’s going or what he’s doing. Unless there’s a female of some sort in the vicinity. Canine or human. Mr. Superflirt. Oh he’s “fixed” but you’d never know it. My little Casanova. I write this with an eye roll when I call him that. He’s incorrigible.

When he’s distracted or just not paying attention to his surroundings, I’ve seen him walk/roll/fall off the couch and bed (not hurting himself, thankfully), walk into walls, walk into people, walk into furniture, run into Diz. He has walked off curbs/sidewalks then given me the “I meant to do that” look. He’s walked into sign poles. He has walked into fire hydrants twice. Yes, twice. Another eye roll accompanied with a head shake and peals of laughter when he did that. Sorry buddy, that’s what happens when you don’t pay attention.

When it comes to directions like left/right, Dizzy’s far better at those that Bear is. She gets it and she’s good at it. Maybe it’s just a guy thing. Don’t ask for directions because you just won’t get it anyway. Clarification: not all guys I know are bad at it. Most of the men I know are actually pretty good and they do it without use of a GPS. But Bear. Sheesh. If he weren’t tethered by his leash, he’d get lost every time we go out. And I’m glad the house isn’t bigger or he’d get lost in that too. He is definitely one of those dogs that has multiple “squirrel” moments every given day and it makes me laugh and I love him endlessly for it. Have a happy day and give your pets an extra scratch from me.

Peace & Love